loudly self-conscious

Tonight, I drummed with 3 other women, 1 of them the "teacher". It was enjoyable. There were times when I felt the anxiety of high school band but other times when I felt the spirit of something before my time as well as times of meditation. The longest standing student there commented that I'm "a musician. You just came in here and did it without being self-conscious." I replied, "I'm self-conscious. Apparently, you just can't tell." I feel like I was on level with the group. The sad thing is it's the last time they're meeting, at least for a long well. M.H.'s schedule gets hectic when the weather warms so she can't keep teaching right now. I enjoyed it, but I don't feel led to buy a $100 drum and find a teacher on my own. I was attracted to the group out of the idea of community. I don't want to isolate myself and become focused instead on something like skill.

My computer has been doing crazy things lately. I got so frustrated with it that I stopped using it over the weekend. The curser would jump around as I was typing so nothing came out the way I intended. For example, while typing this word the computer might jump to the word "typing" so then you'd see typwording. It was horrific. Other times, it would highlight a section so it'd get deleted as I continued to type.I used AVG, Malbytes, Microsoft's anti-virus, and super anti-spyware to try to remove it to no effect. Then I deleted the cookies and did other things under cleaning up the computer, such as deleting temp items. That seemed to work. It was craziness, pure and simple.

Tomorrow, I head to Nashville for an A&D meeting. I need to pack. I need to wash my dishes. I need to call the maintenance office. But for now, I need to sleep. I got really sleepy at the end of drumming. I struggled to follow the beats once I reached that point. Good night, ya'll.