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Saturday, March 19, 2011

I could tell you the details of what happened for Tammy to leave me but live tellings indicate that you'd be bored and go elsewhere. Instead, I will give you my hypotheses of why:

1. She didn't want to drive to Jackson so much

2. She had feelings for her ex and I asked her to stop talking to her b/c the girl (literally) threatened me

3. She didn't want to be with me so she said I didn't want to be with her and left

4. She didn't think it would work out so she left now instead of later when it would be more difficult

5. I'm unlovable

6. She thinks I should be with someone else, though this other person has not been identified. Related, it might be that she does not think she is "good" enough for me or the "right" person. She's told me many times she's not who I want.

7. Bad _ _ _, too much _ _ _, lack of _ _ _, adventurous _ _ _

Side question: If your vagina wore clothes, what would it wear?

8. I hurt her in the past, probably by hanging out with C last year, so she got deeper into my heart and hurt me. Revenge.

9. It was a game. It= our relationship. I don't get it.

10. I'm too old for her. Old=sick

Sunday, March 13, 2011

ode to Mr. Brazley

Today, I got some horrible news. My best friend from middle school's dad died. Last month. She and I don't talk all that much but this information blew me away. He had been sick for a year but I didn't have a clue. The last I remember us talking about his health, his gout was acting up a lot. I wonder if that was, in fact, the cancer.

Think back to your friend of yesterday whose house you frequented, whose mom you called your mom, whose room you knew as well as yours. Mr. Brazley was that friend's mom for me. I love that man and hurt because I can't see him once more. My mom and I actually talk about him in our casual daily talks sometimes. He made that kind of impression. Now, he's gone. I bet he made an impression on many children besides me as he spent the second part of his life as a teacher. Before that, he served in the military out of a belief that doing so keeps Americans safe. Noble, right? And he could cook his tail off. When I think about a cooking man, I think about Mr. Brazley. When I tell people that when you find a man that can cook, he can really cook, I'm thinking about him. When I say that hash can be good, I'm talking about the hash he makes, the best hash I've had yet. I'm not saying he was perfect, as we often like to paint our dead, but I do think he had a good heart and a did a lot of nice things for others. Funny memory-- he took a trip to Mexico while I was in high school. He decided to buy me a pen at a stand where the person stitches your name in a pen cover while you wait. Well, he forgot my name (but not me!). His daughter had called me A.J. for so long that A.J. is what is came to mind when it was time to place his order. I was fine with that, but especially pleased that he even thought to bring something back for me.

Damn. A year. A reminder that I do a horrible job of keeping up with how much time elapses between times when I talk to you guys. It would have been nice if Marshetta had let me know that her dad was sick but it would have been much nicer if I had put forth more effort than I did to know what was going on with her. The last few times I e-mailed or facebooked her, I didn't get a reply. I thought that was about me but now I know, at least in part, that was really about her and him.

As for my weekend as a whole, it was okay. Tammy and I went to Jackson on Saturday to avoid arriving there in the dark on Friday. I spent about 2.5 hours both Saturday and Sunday unpacking-- not a whole lot of time but enough for me to see a difference in the place when I left compared to at my arrival but not so much to prevent me from doing something recreational with Tammy. Despite my activity, I had an overall sense of being bored on Saturday. Go figure. I laid on my deck in the dark some and star gazed in between looking around to make sure no homicidal white men were approaching (or anyone for that matter). Since being home today, I've spent about 1.5 packing more things. My closet is pretty much done now; I even vacuumed it. The clothes will probably hang until Thursday or so, late enough for me to know what all I will wear from what's left. This week will be more about packing and less about socialization than last week. It'll also be about yoga. I plan to check out kundalini yoga tomorrow. Blessed be.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

moving update

The move to Jackson has been slow. I moved my furniture on Feb 25th as scheduled, but less things were packed than I had hoped (still, it was enough to horrify the movers). My mom spent 8 hours with me the day before helping me get ready for the big move. By the end of that, I was exhausted.

Friday morning, two men from Buck's Moving Services showed up to begin the load. We weren't very helpful to them and I mostly felt like I was in the way. Eventually, I just kind of gave up on helping. Unloading was more engaging as mom and I had her car to unload while the men worked on their truck and at the end we all pitched in. There was no longer this need for us to follow the order the lead mover had in mind for the unloading. Really, he pushed what he wanted us to unload the edge of his truck and we grabbed it.

My across the street neighbors have proven to be FABulous. They've helped me out in some way each weekend that I've been in town. Today, the husband even walked me in as two bad men are thought to be in my area. They escaped from prison in Lousianna but have since been spotted at the exit to my house. Apparently, my street was blocked for several days as officials search for them. There's much speculation on where they might be now, maybe still in Jackson, maybe not. My Tam Tam (we got back together last weekend) even came town with me the last two weekends. I wonder how long until they figure out our relationship. I wonder what they'll think of me then.

The packing and unpacking are going OH so slowly. I thought I would pack up everything this weekend and bring it over in my and Tammy's cars. My time at the Memphis VA has been extended another week so we just brought her car instead. We filled it and I still have plenty left. I hope it all fits next weekend. I am now amazed by how much I have, how much was stuffed in my closet. Most of what we brought down today was in my closet.

I borrowed the carpet shampooer from Dozier House because Tammy was going to clean my carpet this weekend but I have too much left for that to occur. Perhaps they'll let me keep it through next weekend as well? My aunt is scheduled to clean my apartment in 2 weeks. I'll drop my keys in the apartment's office and hope they find things to be well. There's so much to do. There are dead plants around the Jackson property that aren't mine but need to be removed. They didn't clean out the storage shed before I came. And I have a million boxes to go through in this unfamiliar place. At least I have my Tam?

April 16th looks like a good day for a house warming game day. You can all come over and see where I live, except I won't be unpacked :/