Search This Blog

Saturday, May 29, 2010

red bug diagnosis continued

I've got the same problem as you...found out they're called Potato Aphids...and can be pretty destructive in high numbers.

Apparently Thyme oil and Pyrethrins are the most effective organic treatments.

Response 2: Nicole,

You need lady bugs. The lady bug larvae will devour the aphids. I don't know exactly where you would find lady bugs in Norman, but here in southern Oklahoma, as well as in the Dallas-Fort Worth area where I lived before moving here, most nurseries have them in the spring and summer, and some of the large home improvement stores have them as well. You also can order them on line.

Lady bugs will take a few weeks to eat up the aphids, but once you have an established lady bug population, they will take care of the aphids for you forever.

After you release the adult lady bugs (which also eat the aphids), they will reproduce and the larvae will look like little alligator-type critters. The larvae will eat aphids till there are no aphids left. Lady bugs are the least toxic aphid solution.

Good luck,



Okay, more information will help confirm this. Do you see really small white things on the plant? If you do they should be immature aphids and will confirm this diagnosis. Best bet is to take one and get a microscope on it to see what it looks like or a high powered magnifying glass.

There are so many different types of aphids it is boggling really. Some I saw with really long legs and distinct colors where others look like little green globs that have no distinct legs at all even when rather large.


sorry! i have to collect this information somewhere and here seems like a good place not to lose it.

told, a poem

This is the poem I wrote 3 hours before my first date with not Cindi. I'm conflicted. I really would not say yes if she asked me out right not but I would rejoice inside. I really do want to move on and have kind of hoped for a distraction, but I'm also nervous about his high pitch voice and habits and interests that are much like hers. The poem was in one sitting. Read it or don't. Critique it or not. I'll keep it or not. For now, I move on.


I told you I love you
You told me you love me too
I told you I wanted to marry you and sale corn bread sandwiches off the back porch of our beach house
You told me I made you nervous, that commitment was too much
Then you told me you wanted me to move 300 miles from my family to be with you

You sent my head spinning, girl
You and your disbelief
You and your ambivalence
One day you're hot, one day you're cold
Every day I'm in love waiting for you to love me back

I volunteered to live the starving artist lifestyle with you
I volunteered to do all the work
I volunteered to leave my sick father for you
I volunteered to love your cat
I'd give you my everything girl, but you only gave me mixed signals

I gave you options and choices
You told me you need more options and choices
I gave you more space and time
You said you needed more space and time
I told you I didn't like all the space
You said they're be less space... again
You said we'd grow closer and in that you'd know if you should stay or leave
You told me, you told me
I told you I love me

I'm cutting you lose girl
Except I can't 'cause you're in my heart
You're in my mind, my intentions, my thoughts, my very breathe
You've left me wrecked girl
I see him but see you too

I told you I'm leaving
You told me you're relieved 'cause you don't have to make a choice
I told you I still love you
You said nothing

I told you I love you, girl
You told me you love me too
I told you I love me, girl
Can you please do that too?

copyright 2010

and i called them pretty slugs

Cutworms are everywhere! I've seen them by the door of my apartment. I've seem that at work. I bet they're responsible for some of that horrifing damage I saw in my garden today.

Snails eat plants; they love basil ( Ants are a sign that other pests have been around. There's so much I don't know!

Today, I went out and my sunflowers had been slaughtered. I'm heart-broken.

Something red is camping out in my rosemary, with spiders paroling the other side of the plant.

Not a good day in the garden.

How to Control Pests in an Organic Garden |

How to Control Pests in an Organic Garden |

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

fightening tendonitis

It is true that I save articles and links in my blogs so I can find the information later. Today's task is to learn how to stop being plagued by tendinitis.

I'm amazed by the extent to which the things I figure are contributing to my tendinitis are being sited in some form by people at the sites I'm visiting trying to figure out how I can make things better. Better posture for Amy, eh?

I'm also shocked by how much is out there on the dangers of using laptops, particularly the stories of people landing on disability because of it.

Page after page agrees, it's easier to prevent this bad stuff from happening than it is to treat it once its here. I'll trust that mine hasn't advanced far enough to do me in. I had it less than 2 months ago but it went away. It's bad worse than last time. I've adjusted my chair to make my arms parallel to the floor. That's a start, eh? Happy safe typing to you.

P.S. Tomorrow is garden day 3 at work. Onward we go!

Good Evening...

I've been talking with a guy on okcupid that began his first e-mail with:

There is a drawing of a one stringed instrument with concentric circles going from one end to another, measuring rational numbered fractions of the string as a whole. It is supposed to be the scale Pythagoras created when realizing that harmony is created when weights that are measurable in fractions of each other are struck. Where an anvil and one half its size are struck, the sound is pleasing. However if a third anvil that is 1.3849874644...the size of the original is struck, the sound is dissonant. This drawing of Pythagoras' first musical scale is the tattoo i want. What is yours?

How smart is that?! That's been my sentiment all week. He's freakin' smart!!! It would suck if we met and there was no chemistry. I mean, I guess it wouldn't be the end of the world but.... I'm thinking June 5th, Bands not Bombs but haven't yet mentioned it to him. After all, we're on week 1 of e-mailing.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

life recently


Yesterday was my last day of officially eating white flour, sugar, fructose corn syurp, and gluten. However, today included left over pizza for breakfast (breakfast for champs). I'm glad that chapter of the experiment is over, though I also mourn its end. That block of foods was my favorite on the forbidden list. Viva el pan. Plus,I have to readjust my mentality from being able to eat almost anything to having to be careful in my selections; I'm going from plenty to scarcity... again. Very soon, I will again be fighting against the fear of scarcity and looking for the silver lining of can. I don't look forward to returning to that cold world of eating, though I do want that better pan of health.

As previously mentioned, I had a good experience in yoga on Thursday. My teacher kept complimenting me and asking what was different. She was passionate about something being different, whether it was an internal change manifested externally or vice versa. I thought maybe she forgot the improvement I showed when I last saw her like a month before until I shocked myself by getting into shoulder stand. It was the first time ever. I called her over to me because I was convinced that I had to be doing something wrong. She said no; it was right, it was good. Well yea! Her comment about things sometimes just aligning and being right in life resonated with me. It made me think of the realization that I'm happy and seem to be earnestly moving towards my highest self. Yoga is part of that journey for me and for that I'm glad. I did find it ironic that this praise and accomplishment came on a night when my right side was clearly more open and flexible than my left. But even in the midst of imperfection, God is there.

Food-wise, I'm back to the control phase of the diet. I'll be there 2-3 weeks depending on how I feel and then bring back aspartame or nitrate, neither of which sound like something that one shouldwant in his or her diet. Dairy, like the yeast/gluten block, is thought to increase yeast production. Thus, I don't want to run those back to back. I want to really give my body time to throw out the extra yeast if that's really one reason I've been hurting lately.

Today, I ordered a life jacket from amazon. I have no idea what level life jacket it is. I'm hoping it has a tag with that information when it gets here. If it's crappier than anticipated, I'll return it. I bought it mostly because it kept coming up when I searched for a plus size life jacket. Anyhow, my uncle Mark said he'll teach me how to swim (on top of the water) and that it'll be easier if I do it with a life jacket. Well here I am moving towards progress.


I have 5 cousins graduating this year from high school. Have I already told you that? One of them, I didn't even know was my cousin. oops.


If you're been reading along, you know that I'm in love with Cindi still. There was a period where I thought I was getting over her. Then, there was me realizing that I am ridiculously in love, just like before our break-up. Now I'm reaching a point of being fine with loving her despite not wanting to be with her. I think that acceptance is good. Disagreeing with those thoughts when they come might also be good. I don't know. I've never loved anyone as I love her; I have no real reference point on how to not be in love with her. I guess I've worked to get over crushes or love interests before so maybe I can do more of those things. That's basically what I was doing in the beginning when I thought it was working. Yea right, and Donnie McCurklin is really someone that was only formally attracted to men. In the beginning, I thought that talking to and seeing her less would result in my falling out of love, but it doesn't work that way apparently. Running parallel to all of those thoughts and emotions is excitement about meeting someone new. In all fairness to them, I hope that my feelings towards Cindi shift even more as I spend time with them. A few weeks ago, Tina,Felicia, and I ran through ideas of who I could date. I can't say we came up with any promising possibilities :).

Professional Life

Work was really tough two weeks ago. I told someone that I felt like I was pushing a boulder up a hill and I meant it. Often. Things have calmed down some now. At a training I attended Wednesday, the presenter said that not feeling like they belong is the number one reason people leave their jobs. I thought that was interesting. It made me think of some of the dynamics I experience but even more so my general desire to have decent relationships with those with whom I work. It also made me think about a conversation I had with a newer employer. I hope the isolation doesn't run deep.

Part of what has helped me move past that place of extreme frustration was to create a list of all the tasks contributing to how I was feeling and figure out what I could do about those things. Many of my assignments can only be done after someone else does his or her part. I was back at a place of trying to figure out how I could work around needing other people. If I can control it, perhaps I can get it done, at least progress can be made. Honestly, I don't know where this list is but creating it helped. And yes, the work is moving. Slowly. For the people part of all that frustration, I basically just accepted it. My employees don't like me. Right now, I'm not aware of it but if you dig through it all, it's probably still true. I accept that. Next....

The Garden

The garden is doing well. I planted zucchini last week and it's started to bloom already. I don't see any major issues brewing and am grateful for that.

At work, we started on that garden Tuesday. One of the clients figured out how much lumber we needed to buy and the job began. Trying to figure that stuff out on my own made me feel like I was in high school math again flunking the test I had studied for so hard.

One container (4 x 8) was assembled and another was started. Our cucumbers are in the ground. Whoo-hoo! We're supposed to work some more Monday, hopefully building 6 additional containers, buying lumber, and getting starter plants and food into the ground by 5pm. Writing it out, that sounds lofty. We'll see.

And last- my car. I love my car. It has been good to me. However, Goodyear just charged me $630 to fix some brake-related issues. Then they told me that my oil is spilling over into the engine and that I need tires. Plus, my speedometer is broken. My car is a 1998 ya'll. With this many issues on the radar, it might be time to move on... but to what? Now is when I feel like I have very little money :(.

Blessed be.
Well, that was probably way more than you actually wanted from me. I've just been feeling the need to update lately but have not had the time. Here you find what's been going on.

ode for cindi

DODGER (normal)

(sung) I'll do anything
For you dear anything
For you mean everything to me.

I know that
I'll go anywhere
For your smile, anywhere --
For your smile, ev'rywhere --
I'd see.


Would you climb a hill?




Wear a daffodil?




Leave me all your will?




Even fight my Bill?


What? Fisticuffs?

I'd risk everything
For one kiss -- everything
Yes, I'd do anything...




Anything for you!!


(spoken) 'Ere now, Oliver, you just copy Dodger
and I'll help you out with the words, alright? So it's
'I'll do anything'


(sung) I'll do anything


(spoken) For you dear


(sung) For you dear, anything


(spoken) For you mean


(sung) For you mean everything to me


(spoken) Ah, that's lovely.


I know that
I'd go anywhere
For your smile, anywhere --
For your smile, everywhere
I'd see


Would you lace my shoe?




Paint your face bright blue?




Catch a kangaroo?




Go to Timbuktu?

And back again!
I'd risk ev'rything
For one kiss -- everything --
Yes, I'd do anything




Anything for you!!


(spoken) Dance, Nancy.


(spoken) Oh, alright, Dodge. C'mon boys!


Would you rob a shop?




Would you risk the 'drop'?




Tho' your eyes go, 'pop'




When you come down 'plop'


Hang ev'rything!
We'd risk life and limb
To keep you in the swim
Yes, we'd do anything...




Anything for you.

if only she'd love me

i saw oliver (twist) last night. It was enjoyable enough. This song stood out to me. I'm not doing so good at not being in love BUT I have succeeded in not calling her this week.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

yoga growth

I got into my first shoulder stand ever tonight. Yipee! Then I did some more things. Apparently, I had no idea what other ppl did towards the end of class because I spent that time laying against the wall incapable of doing any of it. Imagine that.a

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Life recently- Religion

The pagans have invited me in their circle and that brings me joy! It also makes me nervous. It seems like a significant step away from my rearing and current practice. They haven't actually acknowledged it as a pagan group though. I first heard of this group by name last month. When I asked what it was, I was told it was a women's spirituality group. Later, it's name was sent to me through e-mail. I googled it and hit pagan things. I don't remember the group's name. As my sister thinks she was born to be pentecostal, I may have been born to be pagan. After all, it was number 2 on my beliefnet survey (Unitarian Universalist was number 1). Okay, so I'm not going to the group once I get the invite in order to become pagan. The invitation came about as I expressed the desire to dance around in the woods in a circle... naked. I've never found pagans to be evangelical so I don't imagine anyone will try to convert me. I imagine I can be pagan and Christian at once; the world needs more of us ('cause those pesky traditional Christians by and large- gish!). I gave up on paganism my first 'bout with it because (1) I found a Christian church that I liked and (2) There was a lot of new stuff to learn + there was no one to baby feed me. I guess that's one advantage of Christianity. You can find 1001 people to introduce you to basic beliefs, beneficial texts, etc.

The invitation came up in book club. I squeeled all night in my sleep. Yes, there is the conflict between the beliefs of "the pagan" (pretend that means something in particular) and the beliefs of my mom. Mostly, I just wouldn't want my family to know I had my toe in the other's waters. That scares me more than coming out as bisexual to them. It scares me just to have them know I don't think a person has to be a "Christian" to go to heaven. (I'm not saying they necessarily know that)

Why is the invitation so exciting? (1) I think that pagans do a beautiful job of demonstrating unconditional love. I would be honored to be part of a community such as that. (2) I long for unconditional love. Perhaps I have some of it, but I can always do with more. (3) The stars, the sky, the air. There is so much there. Here is a group that looks to it. (4) The love and respect of nature that runs through this group. (5) The understanding that there is wisdom in nature. (6) Better access to tarot reading and other divination. (7) It is a religion that fully accepts lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgender individuals. I no longer have to tip toe through the religious web to check to see if I'm okay at that venue. There's no longer the need for places to identify as open and affirming. It just is. (8) The news isn't full of incidents of proclaimed pagans being idiots and assholes. I really do have a hard time loving and respecting my Christian neighbor. I have a harder time being known by the same label as him and her. (9) I am a Cancer-Scorpio. That is important to me. Perhaps here I can learn to better understand why. Now, it's more like something deeply ingrained in my soul. Water. (10) Drums! (11) Woods! (12) Mead!? (13) Dancing in circles in the woods and in other outdoor places with or without clothing (14) Past deeply meaningful religious/spiritual experiences in pagan spaces. And there are more reasons. There are also hesitations: (1) There's an implied conflict between Christianity and paganism. I don't wish to give up one for the other. I simply wish to learn more about myself and God and grow using both paths. There will be language and thought barriers on both sides of that fence. (2) Frankly, it's gonna be one more reason to think I'm going to hell. God hates fags. I bet he hates pagans too. (3) I can't promise I'll walk away from all potentially dangerous situations I'm on the edge of. I'm adventurous. What's to keep me bound? (This is more an observation than a true hesitation 'cause why not jump off the cliff? It'll be fun on the way down. I just hope I die when I hit the ground if I'm not gonna get up 100% or more normal compared to how I was before the jump.)

Or maybe the group isn't pagan. Maybe it's just a woman's spiritual group. Maybe they just like to dance in circles. Maybe it's like Unitarian Universalist in a home. That'll also be good.

Blessed be.

P.S.- Rereading this before the publish, it occurs to me that I sound a lot like those that I mourn-- people (lgbt) that leave Christianity for paganism because the pagans treat them better. Right now, I really don't plan to "leave" it. I just plan to grow more into me, however eclectic that is. Jesus was an awesome example then, now, and forever more.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

down with whites

This morning, I woke up in such discomfort that I wanted to throw in the rag on eating white flour, sugar, etc. More than pain, it causes stiffness, achy stiffness. My armpit hurts? Well, it's the part that connects the arm to the body. Also, my ankles, toes, knee joint, thigh, sometimes my funny bone-- basically, it's not been a fun experience (but it's been darm yummy). It's time to decide what things I want to eat before I resume my lifestyle without white flour and white sugar, to commence no later than Saturday (after the left over pizza is gone). By then, I want:
1. Chick-Fila mini-biscuits- what a yummy, fun breakfast
2. The chicken garlic sandwich from Al-Rayan, because it's important to support local businesses
3. Hummus and pita- 1) Local buying, 2) Best hummus in Memphis
4. Pizza because I love it, duh. I think I'll go with Memphis Pizza Cafe, though there's a local place near my place that I want to try
4. Jasmine's. OMG. I can't believe I've been free for white pasta but not eaten at Jasmine's. JASMINE'S.
5. IHOP's. I love their omelett. It comes with pancakes. Nitrates are going to be in the mix but I might still stop by. Or not.
6. Biscuits. I love biscuits. I plan to cook one final big breakfast before the Monday of white stuff free hits.
7. Cookies. I don't know from where but it must be so.
8. Donuts. I love donuts. Yum.

This experience has affirmed this process. Until now, I haven't felt a significant difference (consistently) by eating things from the forbidden food groups. This one has tested positive again and again, removing all doubts I had about if any group independently would show significant results. Before, the pain and stiffness were hitting 3s on the 10 point scale, noticeable but not unbearable. Well, time tells a stronger story. I'll probably stuff as much of the remaining items down my throat as fast as I can because I'm deeply ready to end this phase of the experiment. But, I do like to say goodbye. In the future, I can have a chick-fila sandwich on occasion but I do understand that bread is not to be a beloved part of my life. Ciao my dear white friends.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

today's update

Today has been low on the pain scale. If whites do bother me, they gave me a break today. I'm not sure that there seems to be any rhyme or logic to food and my pains.

I felt better this afternoon after my mom gave me pepto bismo. You shouldn't underestimate that stuff, I suppose.

I have overdue library books. One of them is The World's Top Photographers: Portraits. From it, it seems that I like the work of Patrick Fraser, Andrew Eccles, Terence Donovan, William Claxton, E.J. Camp, and Michael Birt. Maybe I can check out more by them later.


I am extremely nauseous for the second time in two days. I used to be nauseous all of the time, but this feeling is different from the norm. I felt it last night. It distracted me from doing anything in particular. I had a hard time concentrating because I felt like crap. I started to feel that it had to get out, though I didn't know from which end it'd escape. I walked hovered over a garbage can to the restroom and vomited in the toilet. I felt better for a few minutes after that but returned to a state of strong nausea. What I had eaten? At the wedding, I had tuna, 3 crackers, chocolate cake, tortilla chips, brittle, a pickle spear, and maybe one more thing + lots of water. I had 1/5 sweet pickle once I got home. Oh. I started sweating yesterday before I vomited, much like I just began to sweat now. Today, I had a small fry from McDonalds and a mocha. Like yesterday, there was a break between eating and feeling sick. I don't see a relationship between what I consumed and feeling sick. I'm tracking it so that if it continues and I need to discuss my symptoms with my doctor, I'll remember the details.

pain update

I am on day 5 of eating white flour, sugar, gluten, etc. It might hurt. Saturday, I couldn't go back to sleep after I took my early morning restroom break because of the pain. Eventually, I got up to take ibuprofen 800 and moved around a bit to stretch my parts and give the med time to start working. When I woke up, I could still feel the pain in my back and thighs but obviously, it was mild enough to allow me to sleep. Six hours after ibu, I took tramadoll. I had a wedding to attend and photograph and I wanted to be as comfortable as possible during that process. I'm beginning to reach the point where I'm not afraid of my ability to function on tramadoll. I've taken it 4 or 5 times and seem to respond fine to it. Like usual, I can drive on narcotics, no problem. It quieted the pain but it didn't go away. Yesterday was a reminder of old times. I hurt all day, the question was how much was I hurting at a given point in time. Right now, my back hurts (but thankfully, that's it). I'll keep watching and see how it goes. The strange thing about reintroducing whites is I'm used to meal planning around them. Now, I have to intentionally incorporate them-- no Amy, it's okay to have bread with your "sandwich" today.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

garden, day 5

The sunflowers are growing! Can I say they're budding? You can say that I'm excited!

Friday, I also potted the rest of the basil.

Caring for a garden feels much like caring for an infant, parenting it even. I sing to the plants throughout the day and speak to them when I leave and return.

I moved some of the plants around because I realized they weren't in an ideal space for sun. I also removed some of my cactus in hopes of giving it a clean try at growing. I'm like a new mom without a guide on how to care for this new baby. And I love it.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

surely some muscular naked women are in pain too?

Today, I talked to a woman I've been drooling over at the gym. Her body-- wow. Muscular. I was near her so I decided to ask her how to use the machine she had just gotten off. Later, she showed me how to do a calf exercise on the machine I was using and she waiting to use. I think it can help me with a terribly bothersome fibro symptom- the inability to walk more than a flight of stairs without doubling over in pain (often 1/2 flight). I'm not sure where to strike the balance between weight and repetition to make this so. I think I'll do 3 reps on it before increasing the weight, whereas I do 2 reps on everything else-- well 4 & 3 (1 for muscle mass, 2 for endurance is my current trend). This lady said she works out 6 days a week, 5 of them weights, 1 hour at a time. The rest is diet-- lots of fish, chicken, and vegetables. That seems reasonable. I don't feel so far behind her. I was lifting within 10-25lbs of her on the two leg weight machines. Looking at her and looking at me, I was surprised we were that closely aligned. I do yoga 2 days a week and really want to build up to 2 gym trips a week-- 4 days vs 6. Okay. There's a lot of variation between us but it was still great talking to her. I wish I could input her picture. You think muscular women memphis will get it? haha.

One of the first hits I got with that search is quite interesting- muscular women porn. Granted, I saw "hard on" as I clicked their link (i have a bad habit of clicking links without reading full descriptions) but I thought it'd be like that nude yoga site I saw years ago. It was well-formed yoga poses. I didn't find it vile at all. This newer site, well, it's intentions are clear.... I didn't know there was such a thing as that kind of porn. I guess there's a naked version of everything, huh?

Anyhow, the gym zonked me again. It felt good. I'm trying mucinex to see if it can calm down the "joint mucus" and give me a pain-free sleep tonight. My next action, however, is to get off my arse and put forth the 15 minutes of spot cleaning I'm supposed to do each day. The weekend is when the grand hashing out happens. Namaste.


Today, there is pain. Why? Co-worker M suggests the milkshake from yesterday (it's not approved but I have to sneak in a Chick-fila milkshake here and there). It could be. Pain in the middle 1/3 of my spine, pain in my finger joints, pain puddle in the ankles and the part that connects your arms to your body. Not unbearable pain, but noticeable pain. I could take a pain pill but I haven't. I meant to, but I've been talking to people all day. Soon, I'll go to yoga. I just wanted to make sure these pains were notes.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

welcome back, whites!

Sometimes, I make these aha! decisions about this anti-pain diet I'm accepting. It's the same kind of aha! that resulted in my tongue piercing and has influenced other decisions in my life. It's when I just know. Today, what I knew is that I'm ready to start eating bread again. I didn't want to wait until Friday. Since I knew that and my co-workers were going to McDonalds, I ordered a chicken biscuit for breakfast. Yum, even after debreading the chicken.

Later, I realized that my biscuit was made from white flour and that simple carbs are a different category from yeast and gluten. puzzlement. Can I reintroduce one without the other? After considering that here and there for a couple of hours and rereading the article at webmd, I decided that it'll be most practical for me to reintroduce sugar (yea!), simple carbs, fructose, yeast, and gluten at once (which means I didn't have to debread my chicken this morning). If it turns out to be a high pain category, maybe I'll try to break them out later. For now, I can eat bread. Yum. Oven baked biscuits that were purchased months ago tomorrow for my first meal. And again I say yum. This works well for me, too, because I had a Pepsi yesterday. I heard a client offering them while I was roaming the men's area. "Did you say I can have a Pepsi?" I hollered back. "Yep. They're in the dining room," replied the voice (God?). I hurried through the checks I was completing and joined in the Pepsi refreshment. Pepsi after 3 months clean-- ahhhhh. Tomorrow, I'm calling people to encourage them to make a monetary donation to Workers Interfaith Network. Pizza (Achilles heel 1) will be there for volunteers. I've long said that I'm going to eat some pizza once I got here even though it has cheese. Oh how I love pizza, oh how I look forward to having it just once. Once. I don't know that I'm going to spend that on national chain pizza with simple toppings. Memphis Pizza Cafe has been calling my name.

I'm happier about the bread than the ice cream (sugar). Before, I was debating which of those categories I would reintroduce next. Yeast and gluten won. Now, I guess they get to be friends (or joint villains).

A piece of my brain did question whether it is wise to bump up the reintroduction seeing that I'm having residual symptoms from Friday. aha won. I'll notice if new issues appear verses the slow movements still mandated from achy, enjoyed muscles.

I'm happy. For a while now, I've had moments where I've realized that I am well-pleased with my life; I am happy in my soul. Oddly, I think this joy appeared after the breakup. I remember going, "I'm happy, even single" (though I didn't say that Directly after the break up). It holds true. I keep having those moments. I'm not sure the reason(s)-- being around women so much lately (book club, the brief drumming period, the stone)? not trying to make/encourage/will someone to love me that doesn't? being in town more often instead of doing the split memphis/nashville lifestyle? taking more control of cleaning my apartment? reading? more yoga? hell if i know. But I'm happy and thought I should tell the world. Fibromyalgia sucks. I hate it, in part, because of the ways in which it threatens to steal my life. But it cannot take my joy.

EDIT: Perhaps I am happy because I am moving towards the highest me, the highest vision. I am (mostly) living true to myself in all areas of life. I am being the me that I would like to be. How can one not be pleased by that?

Monday, May 3, 2010

miracles happen every day

Baby Kristiana went into a coma at 2 months old after being shaken by a babysitter. She came out of the coma, but showed little response to stimuli. Below, you see her respond.

God continues to work in the life of the baby's mom. I don't know her story but there is one-- why was her barely born baby with a baby sitter? Why does she not have custody of her other children? Why has she been brought to a place where she is open to learning so much and is able to feel so much love from a church? I pray that this year she does meet stability and new possibilities.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

I think I'm still in love with cindi. I was impressed with all the progress I've made on the break up. I think I was doing okay with out of sight, out of mind. As I talk to her again online and then got scared over possible weather injuries this weekend, I realize I'm still a weak piece of sh!t.

amy the non-athlete

I really enjoy playing baseball. Playing Friday made me think that perhaps I should buy some equipment and find some folks to meet me at the park once a month for a friendly game. Maybe I should find someone in between games to help me learn to catch with a glove. lol. But the pain-- it's 2 days later and I'm waking up with a 9/10 kind of pain. I tried to make it to the light switch but gave up because it hurt too much. That's the problem with taking a pain pill right now as well. But I have to get up. Floridia is preaching this morning and I promised I'd attend. Right now, I have to love her more than myself. If not for her, I'd probably stumble to the bathroom and soak. OUCH. The funny thing is, I don't regret playing baseball the other day. I just wish my body didn't betray me every time I do something truly physical.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

what were you doing when the tornado hit?

The tornado sirens are going off and my upstairs neighbors are having sex. I hate hearing them have sex, or more accurately, hear their bed squeak (it makes me think of Precious but I hope a third person is up there during these times) but this current scenario trips me out. haHa!

a list of foods

I'm going to take the great and wonderful Audrey's suggestion and compile a list of what I CAN eat. What a way to focus on the can, and even to find it. She suggested it to better facilitate us eating together when that option presents itself, but I like it as a helpmate to meal planning. Through this, I think I'll realize food options that previously went unrecognized.

Things I can eat:
1. eggs
a. omelets
b. fried
c. boiled
d. scrambled
2. gluten free, yeast free waffles
3. grits
4. oats (but I don't like them all that much)
a. a cookie from oats, like oatmeal raisin, made with splenda? I should check
on that.
5. Honey Nut Chex (I discovered them on this diet and they are yum)
6. Nitrate free bacon (Whole Foods)
7. Nitrate free sausage (Whole Foods)
8. Soy cheese
9. Nachos/Tortilla Chips
10. Hamburger with onions, mushrooms, and mustard (no bread)
11. Teriyaki wings
12. Brown rice with mushrooms and zucchini
13. Chicken
a. grilled
b. baked
14. Pickles
15. Hummus (some varieties)
16. Tacos (no cheese or tomatoes)
17. Salad
18. Fish
a. Fried
b. Grilled
c. Baked
d. Catfish
e. Salmon
19. Okra
20. Zucchini
21. Nitrate free bratwurst (Whole Foods)
22. Yeast free, gluten free pizza (crust from Whole Foods)
23. Clif Chewy Sticks
24. Fruit based (no added sugar) chewy sticks of various brands
25. Fruit based, no added sugar fruit roll-up thing
26. Chicken salad
27. Apples
28. Oranges
29. Bananas
30. Ugly Fruit
31. Peaches
32. Plums
33. Pluots
34. Strawberries
35. Grapes
36. Other Fruit
37. Popcorn (butter free or with vegan butter)
38. The Nature Valley peanut butter granola bars
39. Granola
41. Taco Salad
42. Tostados
43. Green beans
44. Sweet peas
45. Corn
a. sweet corn?
b. whole kernal corn
c. corn on the cob
46. Black beans
47. Pinto beans
48. Apple sauce
49. Carrots
50. Raisins
51. Sunflower seeds
52. Lentils
53. Stir fry (typically cauliflower, zucchini, nuts, sometimes chicken, broccoli for me)
54. broccoli
55. peanuts
56. pistachios
57. veggie pancakes (purchased; not yet tried)
58. tempah
59. grain-free banana nut muffin (found in The Allergy Self-Help Book; not yet tried)
60. Traditional Swiss Muesli (found in The Allergy Self-Help Book; not yet tried)
61. Wheat-Free Tortillas (found in The Allergy Self-Help Book; not yet tried)
a. chicken wraps
b. bean burritos
62. Chick peas (Thanks, K)
a. falafel with hummus

Can you think of other things I can eat that I might actually consume? My guidelines are here. Think about no dairy, no white flour, not processed, and not super sugary. I was hoping to list 100 things but can't. Perhaps that's why I'm so hungry so often :/.