Search This Blog

Thursday, December 30, 2010


Last night, I sat upright in the floor choking on mucus. I wrapped myself in my heated blanket because it was from her. I sobbed and heard myself crying out things like, "noooo," and "whyyyy". I awoke this morning with swollen eyes and big lips. They say that people that make you cry aren't worth crying over, but Eleanor Roosevelt said no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. Doesn't that suggest that perhaps I allowed her to "make" me cry. Isn't it true that no one can make me do much of anything; I had a choice about how I would respond to her dumping me. Did I have a choice about being dumped? She texted, "We are too different for the both of us. I don't understand you and you don't understand me. I'm tired of arguing....We will never understand each other." I have to wonder, at what points could I have done a better job listening? Maybe I should have done reflective listening so she would have known that I listen. At what points could I have put forth more effort not to sound like a N? I spoke as I processed like a N trying to figure it out when she dumped me. If I hadn't tried to understand, maybe she wouldn't have dumped me then. But then there would be other tensions.... At the same time, I feel like if I was worth more to her she would work with me to better understand me and have me better understand her. I got her to take a myers-briggs test because I suspected we were having a sensor-intuitive problem. Since then, I have realized that was the problem in the midst of conversations. I got her to see the very superficial with the test, but she's not interested in reading more in depth material. I don't know what else I could have offered as a tool to help us communicate. She is right. We do speak two different languages, a dialect of the same.

I feel like I have been kicked in the heart with steel-toe boots. I don't know what to do with my relationship with her from here. I said I would not answer if she called or texted today but found myself hoping it was her when the phone rang and noticing how the phone did not ring when she would usually call me on break or on my way to work. When she called, I answered and grieved when she had to hang up. We did not talk about this thing that has happened.

I cannot go back. This is the third time she's dumped me and the umpteenth time we've fought. If we got back together this week or next, it would just be more of the same pain. Pain either way it goes.


Letters like this make me proud to participate in grassroot organizing. Who says it doesn't work?!

Several weeks ago, survivors of "corrective rape" -- a heinous practice in South Africa where lesbians are raped under the guise of "curing" them -- started a petition on to ask the Minister of Justice to declare corrective rape a hate crime.

It has since become the largest-ever petition on, and the Chief of Staff at the Ministry of Justice has repeatedly contacted us to complain that they are overwhelmed with the messages coming from every part of South Africa and every corner of the globe. But the minister still refuses to meet with the activists who started the campaign -- Ndumi Funda and the women of the non-profit Lulekisizwe.

Ndumi asked us to pass the note below along to members. Take a look, then please add your name to their petition to keep up the pressure:


To members, editors and most of all to all of you who signed our petition,

We are GOBSMACKED at the response that our petition has received. Our fight against corrective-rape has been going on for so long, under the most harrowing of circumstances, with only a few volunteers to help, and it just seemed that nobody was listening, nobody cared, and our sisters were getting raped, beaten up and murdered without anyone doing anything about it.

In absolute frustration, we decided to write a petition. This was a first for us, and never in our wildest dreams did we imagine that we would get this kind of a response. We did jokingly say that we wanted to crash the Ministry of Justice's servers, but we thought that our petition would get a thousand or so signatures if we were lucky. More than 65,000 signatures later, and the senior Ministry officials we targeted are apparently having major difficulty accessing their e-mail because of all the e-mails your signatures are generating! WOOOHOOOO! Well done & thank you!

If you haven't already signed the 'Corrective Rape' petition, please sign and share it with your friends:

Unfortunately, despite this becoming the most popular petition of ALL TIME on, and clearly getting the attention of the minister, Lulekisizwe has still not heard a word from the Justice Department! We need a meeting with the Minister of Justice so we can discuss how 'corrective rape' victims are treated, the lack of police response, how long the court cases take, why so many of the dockets get 'lost' and why the rapists get out on such low bail. Please keep the pressure up!

Thanks to a donation from an ethical cosmetics company in the UK called Lush, we were able to get another, more secure place to stay and use as a safe-house for the victims, but the rapes and assaults are continuing. We are worn out and things are far from easy, especially at this time of the year when stress levels are very high.

The one thing that is giving us hope is all of you showing love and caring by signing and sharing the petition. We are thrilled, excited and very, very humbled by the support that every one of you have shown, and all we can say is thank you and please, please don't stop. Ask your friends to sign our petition:

Bless you all and have a great Festive Season,
Ndumi Funda & the Lulekisizwe team

Okay. I said that but part of the point is the guy is annoyed, but not yet moved. Still, that annoyance has many times pushed people to respond and as long our voices continue to unite, movement will continue to happen.


Sunday, December 26, 2010

christmas-ish update, jackson progress

Yesterday was Christmas. My sister & her 5 kids are in town. I slept over my mom's Christmas Eve so I could be part of Christmas morning with them. We woke up at 6am. I paid for it later. I started getting sleep around noon but we were supposed to leave to go to Ne-Ne's at 12:30. At the dinner, I was zonked. I asked my sister to drop me to get my car so I could go home and sleep (5:30). I didn't wake until 8:45pm when my Tam Tam called.

Christmas gifts were awesome. An electric blanket from Tammy, a new camera and VCR/DVD from mom, pajamas from my sister, binoculars from my dad. I'm a happy Christmas girl. I learned that Chris is quite the photographer/film maker. I posted one of his videos to facebook.

Tonight, we're celebrating Allyson's birthday. No time has been set for the party. Popcorn, cupcakes, and movies. I plan to take Tammy so she can meet my babies.

In a few days, I guess I'm going to Nashville. Tammy showed no interest in doing something for New Year's and I'm not keen on being at home doing nothing so I contacted people I know. They don't live in Memphis. At this moment, I don't care much about going. I'm sleepy and a little sad about the idea of not spending New Year's with Tammy. The Nashville plan is nice though. 2-3 parties in one night, a drag show at Play the second night, and watching people swim in the freezing cold in between. It just sounds tiring right now. I don't want to disappoint my crew by not going though. We'll see how it goes.

Monday, I'm planning to go to Jackson to view a few housing options. Shun's going with me. I'm still waiting on VA to officially offer me the job. I don't like how long this is taking. My paperwork is in. Weekend cleaning let me find my online training url. yea! more updates as more updates come.

Monday, December 13, 2010

weekend fun

Sunday, I went on a date with Tammy. It was fun. We hadn't really hung out with each other since Monday and somehow that seemed like a really long time ago. After a lazy morning, we headed to Bellevue Baptist to see the Singing Christmas Tree.

It was sold out. They told us they release some tickets after the show starts so we hung around in hopes of something being freed up for us to buy. Even better, a lady walked up to Tammy and gave her two tickets in the very front of the theater. Our seats were amazing. The costumes were beautiful, special effects were nice, and the whole thing was well done. It wasn't my favorite story line but I'm impressed with what a bunch of amateurs, mostly children, were able to do. I think it can fairly be called professional quality. I didn't previously realize that the church's children choir and orchestra composed the majority of the cast. I was struck by how close in age Mary & Joseph were in this version of the story though.

After The Singing Christmas Tree, we bought Christmas presents for the teenage refugee The Stone has adopted through Catholic Charities' Gifts for God's Children Christmas giving program. We got her a rocking 5x optical zoom camera that I want for myself, a SD card, and a Target gift card. I hope she likes her presents. She opted not to list any ideas on the form Catholic Charities has them feel out. Finally, we ate at Abuelos. Yum, yum. Tammy had her first Mojito there. 5 stars. You ever had that moment when your heart swells for your s.o.? I had that weekend.

Saturday, I started cleaning out my car (in the rain!) so I can have room to haul things to Jackson when the time comes. Mostly, I played games at my cousin's Cheree's that evening. Family Feud, Catch Phrase, Taboo. It was a good night.

Other foci include planning to visit Jackson on Saturday-- where to go while I'm there? I've been doing a lot of Christmas shopping and wrapping-- well, lot as in it was my focus. Mostly, I guess I've been into the same-o, same-o. Things are going well.

Oh. VA is moving slowly. I finally figured out that it took me forever to get my vetpro papers because they failed to put my apartment number on my mail. I was supposed to have 30 days to complete the package but instead I had 11. I didn't use the first 8 and now I'm freaking out because the package is due on Wednesday and I don't even know HOW to answer the things I haven't yet answered. I called the guy in HR today, the same one that screwed up my address, but didn't get an answer. I'll call again in the morning and then try some people in my department if I still don't get him. This job cannot fall through because of this package. I would be crushed.