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Thursday, February 24, 2011

the day before

the morning before the move

top shot- dining room; left: living room; left: kitchen- food on the move; right: the unruly bedroom

I worked my tail off today. I woke up at 7:30, an hour earlier than on previous days this week. I took care of needed phone calls and e-mails before I started packing, but still spent a good 11 hours packing + breaks. Short breaks. My mom helped for about 9 hours. blah. So, so tired. And to think that I put in about 25 hour of packing BEFORE today. I think I might be inspired to get rid of some more stuff.

that evening:

above: the bedroom. It was the last room touched, the one with the least effort put into it.

left: my living room with many packed boxes but hopefully enough path room for furniture to be taken out.

below: the dining room

I am oh so tired. There are still things I should do-- pack a basket of refreshments for our Jackson arrival, pack some toiletries so I can spend the night there, move the give away box out of the aisle and check to make sure nothing else is on or blocking furniture that needs to go. But it will wait. Sleep and I must meet. Namaste.

Monday, February 21, 2011

monday morning

4 days to go. This is how things looked when I got up today.

living room:

dining room:
my kitchen table is in this (above) mess if you look hard enough. mostly, it's empty boxes. i do eventually need to get to that table to clean it off, or pack if you will.

packed boxes corner:

i need a new place to stack boxes now. this area has maxed it fullness to reason.

tammy packed most of my dishes yesterday. that was nice. james says he will come tomorrow to help. yea for friends!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

last week, day 1 big pack

Friday was my last day at work. They made my last week a good one. I thought I'd be able to accomplish a number of things on my to do list, but they made sure I had a number of social engagements to attend instead.

Wednesday, my clients orchestrated a goodbye luncheon for me. That act holds the top spot in my heart. They've been so kind of grateful since I announced my resignation 2 weeks ago. I feel like I'm often overlooked by them. I'm usually not the one they come back to see. By leaving before they did, I got attention. I wasn't after that, but it was nice. Of course, the leaders were the same people that talked to me during normal times but I also got to better know a few of the clients I hadn't spent much time with.

Thursday, Mia (Employment Specialist) invited me and the nursing student out to lunch since it was our last day together. She didn't pay. lol. We ate at El Patron. It was okay. They're definitely not my favorite Mexican restaurant but they're a popular choice.

Friday, the agency had my going away breakfast. I wasn't sure I was going to have an agency-sponsored event. They didn't e-mail the invitation until Wednesday. They never sent a formal message about my resignation. The people that I worked and talked with the most all attended. Many of them attended the one on Wednesday too. I feel that I had a good farewell. Except Bobbie didn't sign any of my goodbye cards. I'll always wonder why not.

And now, today begins the count down of my big move. Technically, yesterday was the start but I didn't get much accomplished. Play day. Below, you'll see how my living room looked when I woke up this morning.

My packed boxes corner:

Sunday, February 13, 2011

my nod to valentine's day

This year, after having the same Valentine's for 3 years in a row, I realize that this is also a holiday of misery.

sometimes i cry- eric benet

I heard this today on the radio. Wow.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

packing, week 2

I decided on Thursday to focus on areas of the house instead of number of hours spent packing as the way to motivate me to work, work, work on packing. At that point, the living room/dining room became last week's goal areas.

Remember how my dining room looked in the beginning?

Here's that same living room 8 days later.

Some progress, right? That dining room piece-- yeah, no. Much, much more to go.

And last, the food "diminishing".

It seems that I have a lot of food to go.

In other news, I cough until on the verge of vomiting. I think it's because of a blood pressure medication I'm on. Today is day 1 w/o the med to test my theory. God, I hope this cough goes away soon if the medication is the cause. Amen.

Sunday, February 6, 2011


I've had an issue with jealousy lately. At first, there was basically obsession. Stuff kept running through my mind whether I wanted to think about it or not. Thinking about it did nothing to alter the situation and probably only made life worse for me. After I mentioned that in my blog, I was able to look at the situation and see the root of the repeated thinking. It was stupid. It was an experience, an enjoyment, time to move on. Once I saw, I was finally able to move on. Sleep was peaceful, then I awoke to find jealously comfortably seated in my living room. Okay. We said we'd be jealous of each other's partners as long as one of us was with someone else. Now I'm on the feeling jealousy end of that agreement.

Sometimes, jealousy sits in my living room; other times, I sit in its. Pacing uncomfortably in jealousy's living room, I question why. Jealousy benefits me not. Before we broke up, I suggested things including breaking up so that she could find someone that thrills her as she thrilled me. I think maybe she has. I should rejoice. I don't want to rejoice, because they've been together so briefly that it might be wasted energy but I at least want to be waiting to rejoice, not hanging out with J. Early in our relationship, I told the universe I was thankful for her. Later, I prayed for her happiness. Then, I prayed to keep her. The new situation goes directly against that intention. How do I undue my wish unto the world? How do I give full gratitude for her happiness and pray protection from the lowest low of heartbreak?

Aside from all of that, I ask how this jealousy benefits me and why is it here? I'm not thrilled by the idea of being her girlfriend again, not right now, so why do I care that she's dating someone else? Does this jealously mean that I love her and want to be with her unbeknowst to me? Am I trying to suppress desire and my subconscious is calling my bluff? Do I feel that if I can't have her, no one can? Come on! How is that directed at her good will or praying for her happiness? Is this my punishment for being selfish in years past and asking for something that wasn't mine to request? I knew that even as I asked it but I wanted it so much nonetheless. Have I practiced black magic with my words and jealously my consequence come?

I had hoped that blogging this would enlighten me as blogging sometimes does. It seems, however, that I am leaving this entry with as much understanding as I had at its beginning. I dance with this unwanted emotion and seem to be under a spell such that I can stop neither the movement nor the music driving us on. So here will lie private words and thoughts beyond what I "should" be posting to a public blog.

UPDATE: While laying down after honoring the magical blog, it came to me that I am concerned about maintaining our friendship now that the situation has changed. It's a jealously of time and attn, like children. We had gotten to the point where our friendship was natural. I was no longer following any rules that I had made to help the situation achieve normalcy; it just was. Now, I am concerned about her girl's reaction to me and even her reaction to me-- will I call too much? do i have bad timing?Her giving more to her naturally changes the mathematical equation of time for me, right? Ahhh. Situation understood, but not resolved. And, it's possible that this is only part of the jealously. Life will continue; we shall see.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

homeless in Jackson?

Today was trip 3 to Jackson to search for housing. Now that I have a move date and no where to go, I feel like I'm homeless in Jackson. What a way to connect with my clientele. haha.

Finding places to view was more difficult this time than in the past. I searched because they get info from the Jackson Sun. I checked the Jackson Sun itself, craigslist, and connected with property management company Town and Country. They're the ones that had several listings in the community I like and were managing the house that I love, love. In the end, I had 2 appointments: 11 and 12.

My 11 o'clock called and said he couldn't meet me but his dad would show me the house. The house was fine, minus looking it belonged to an old woman (which it does). 3 bedrooms, all a decent size. Living room with gas fireplace, something like 3 outside storage sheds & a 2-car garage. Laundry room. Driving to the house made it look like the house is in the country, country. When you go out the other way, you're down the street from the city. Bird feeds out the wa-zoo and a bird bath. Enclosed porch. I do prefer this house to cherry grove apartments because of size.

My noon appointment stood me up and hasn't called to explain herself. wtf? And from a huge property mgmt company? surprising. Mom and I drove by one of the houses I was supposed to view and it definitely would have given house 1 a run for its money. I hope I don't have to go back a 4th time to look for something....

House 1 has a deposit on it from someone that probably won't be able to move in due to things beyond control. But he might. He's supposed to tell the landlord one way or the other on Monday. Holding my breath.....

My original packing goal was 3 hours a week in the midst of my hectic schedule. Thursday, it occurred to me that it makes more sense to divide my house by room instead of thinking of a hour commitment since i have no idea how long it will take to pack but it will surely be more than 20 hours (3 for 3 weeks, 10 when off). Thus, my goal suddenly became to pack up my living room and dining room by tomorrow. haha. I've made them messy as f_ck; packed is a different story.

I'm trying. There's so damn much to do. i still need to get my car fixed from when it was hit last month. I need to work extra hours so I can leave there with order. I want to get a gift for my employees, possibly customized. And then there'll be social commitments and expectations. Citizen K is visiting next weekend for vagina monologues. That thrills me. Also, I'm having lunch with a lady that says she got rid of her fibromyalgia. I'm hosting it as a Memphis Chronic Pain Sisters event. The Stone wants a get together before I leave. I want to take out the women that wrote my references to get the job. Bellydancing on Tuesdays, Yoga on Wednesdays, Salsa on Thursdays needs to start. Stuff, stuff, stuff. I think I have one vacation day earned. I need to take it.