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Friday, March 19, 2010


I am grateful for my sisters at the Stone, those that pretty much know my special diet and made arrangements for me to have a large selection of choices tonight.

I am grateful for Cindi treating me so well.

I am grateful that I found suitable pizza mix at Wild Oats and was able to buy yummy, appropriate pancake and waffle mix.

I am grateful for the existence of The Bible Tells me So so that people can see. I am grateful for finally seeing that movie myself. I am thankful for all of the affirming pastors and family members out there.

I'm thankful that some people read this blog. It's touching to me for you to do that. I'm thankful for you.

* * *

Today, I nearly threw in the towel and reintroduced nightshade plants into my diet. This weekend would have been the week if not for my acupuncture set back. I think I'm still having residual effects from that. My pelvis has been demanding quite a bit of attention these last two days (no to you pervs that are reading). I'm going another week of trying to hold to this diet and giving my body a little more time to recover from that trauma, then next week I'll reintroduce my first food group. I'm having a hard time remembering why each group will be tested one by one instead of me continuously adding in new food groups on top of other things that were already added and seemed to be okay.

My brain fog has been noticeable quite a bit lately. I went grocery shopping last Sunday and at each store they had to call out to me to tell me to get my bags. Oops. I've had a hard time forming sentences to tell people what I'm thinking lately. I've been forgetting words, not just thoughts. It's embarrassing. I can get away with a little before it's noticeable and concernable but there's only so much I can shrug off before others see something's up or decide that I'm really not that smart after all (which is an okay belief but not because of brain fog).

Just as I thought I had gotten to a point of acceptance and tolerance with this diet, cravings start kicking up again. I've also realized that I don't have much real food on hand and that's perhaps why I haven't eaten much in terms of dinner this week. I should read cookbooks like Cindi and Client to find meals that I can eat but don't think of on my own. I am thankful to be surrounded by intelligent women :D.

Oh. And someone should guard me when I go to Whole Foods. $100.46 on 3 bags of groceries today. The positive of the experience is I bought 2 bacons, 2 pizza crusts, 2 waffle mixes, etc so I can stay out of there for a while. If I go to a store, I'm likely to buy something. If the things in that store cost more, I'm likely to spend more. Being at Whole Foods less = good. It's also good to be in there and have options of what I can eat. I love food. Viva la comida. Yum, yum. Good night, ya'll.


  1. I am glad that you found that Movie. I remember a conversation we once had some time ago about your belief one way, and mine another. I am very glad that someone took my belief and made the ideas accessible to everyone! (I am always right! 8D ).

    I was just talking about the brain fog thing in therapy! It is so hard sometimes, I mean, I am so tired, and I can't think, and my words are slurred, and I can't walk in a straight line, and I keep having to think about things like talking...I can't even remember what I am going to say by the time I can gather the energy to say it.

    right now, though, I am in a "this is a gift" kind of place, so that's cool. I get to think "What does it mean if people think I am less smart than I am? how does it hurt me? how does it help me? how does it hurt them? how does it help them? I am lucky a bit right now, because I am not dealing with all of this and working. I am resting when my body needs to, I am able to sit and ponder the gifts of being unable to walk for more than ten steps at a time. I am able to find the gems in thinking that walking up a flight of steps is a superhuman superpower. I am able to find the gifts in needing to be silent, to take longer to get moving, to be slow. Yesterday I had a busy schedule, though and found it a lot more difficult to find the gift in not being able to breathe/talk/drive/etc. I "needed" to go places and get things done.
    You once told me to find one good thing in people and the love for all of that person would follow.

    Find the gift, and you will find the joy...the pain/frustration/etc won't be gone, but it will be different. There will be peace there, and thanksgiving, and knowledge.
    lots of love,

  2. "Find the gift, and you will find the joy...the pain/frustration/etc won't be gone, but it will be different. There will be peace there, and thanksgiving, and knowledge." That's really big, M. Thank you. I'm going to try it the next time I want to complain. Right now, the pain is so much less than it used to be that I am more in the place of gratitude. Not for this horrible disease that I hate, but for being at a place where I can feel close to normal.

    Really? We had a conversation about me thinking homosexuality is a sin? Interesting. It had to be early in college. I remember you and Alex fighting over the subject and me thinking, "Go, M!"