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Tuesday, May 4, 2010

welcome back, whites!

Sometimes, I make these aha! decisions about this anti-pain diet I'm accepting. It's the same kind of aha! that resulted in my tongue piercing and has influenced other decisions in my life. It's when I just know. Today, what I knew is that I'm ready to start eating bread again. I didn't want to wait until Friday. Since I knew that and my co-workers were going to McDonalds, I ordered a chicken biscuit for breakfast. Yum, even after debreading the chicken.

Later, I realized that my biscuit was made from white flour and that simple carbs are a different category from yeast and gluten. puzzlement. Can I reintroduce one without the other? After considering that here and there for a couple of hours and rereading the article at webmd, I decided that it'll be most practical for me to reintroduce sugar (yea!), simple carbs, fructose, yeast, and gluten at once (which means I didn't have to debread my chicken this morning). If it turns out to be a high pain category, maybe I'll try to break them out later. For now, I can eat bread. Yum. Oven baked biscuits that were purchased months ago tomorrow for my first meal. And again I say yum. This works well for me, too, because I had a Pepsi yesterday. I heard a client offering them while I was roaming the men's area. "Did you say I can have a Pepsi?" I hollered back. "Yep. They're in the dining room," replied the voice (God?). I hurried through the checks I was completing and joined in the Pepsi refreshment. Pepsi after 3 months clean-- ahhhhh. Tomorrow, I'm calling people to encourage them to make a monetary donation to Workers Interfaith Network. Pizza (Achilles heel 1) will be there for volunteers. I've long said that I'm going to eat some pizza once I got here even though it has cheese. Oh how I love pizza, oh how I look forward to having it just once. Once. I don't know that I'm going to spend that on national chain pizza with simple toppings. Memphis Pizza Cafe has been calling my name.

I'm happier about the bread than the ice cream (sugar). Before, I was debating which of those categories I would reintroduce next. Yeast and gluten won. Now, I guess they get to be friends (or joint villains).

A piece of my brain did question whether it is wise to bump up the reintroduction seeing that I'm having residual symptoms from Friday. aha won. I'll notice if new issues appear verses the slow movements still mandated from achy, enjoyed muscles.

I'm happy. For a while now, I've had moments where I've realized that I am well-pleased with my life; I am happy in my soul. Oddly, I think this joy appeared after the breakup. I remember going, "I'm happy, even single" (though I didn't say that Directly after the break up). It holds true. I keep having those moments. I'm not sure the reason(s)-- being around women so much lately (book club, the brief drumming period, the stone)? not trying to make/encourage/will someone to love me that doesn't? being in town more often instead of doing the split memphis/nashville lifestyle? taking more control of cleaning my apartment? reading? more yoga? hell if i know. But I'm happy and thought I should tell the world. Fibromyalgia sucks. I hate it, in part, because of the ways in which it threatens to steal my life. But it cannot take my joy.

EDIT: Perhaps I am happy because I am moving towards the highest me, the highest vision. I am (mostly) living true to myself in all areas of life. I am being the me that I would like to be. How can one not be pleased by that?

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