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Monday, July 19, 2010

thoughts between consciousness and sleep

I feel like I'm dying. I ache all over; it's bad enough that it wakes me up while I'm asleep. Until it's time to wake up. It took me 90 minutes to get up this morning (i.e., 90 minutes after my alarm first went off. I don't even remember those first 10 beeps or whatever). During the day, I mostly want to sleep. During that time just before waking when I have "deep" thoughts, it's occurred to me that I'd quit my job if I could afford to because I feel like shyt. More realistic, I'd take a week off if I wasn't supposed to go to GA this week. It'd look bad for me to take today and tomorrow off because I'm sick, then go to GA for 3 days. I'm thinking of asking my doctor to put me on short term medical leave if I don't feel better soon but there are several important things going on at work that I can't walk away from. This is one reason I want a simpler job. I'm treating myself like crap to get the work done but in the end, there's only me. This is the kind of shyt that got me sick in the first place. I wish I could do it all over. I wish I could have this job but not put it first so maybe then I wouldn't be so sick.

off to get dressed now....

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