thoughts between consciousness and sleep

I feel like I'm dying. I ache all over; it's bad enough that it wakes me up while I'm asleep. Until it's time to wake up. It took me 90 minutes to get up this morning (i.e., 90 minutes after my alarm first went off. I don't even remember those first 10 beeps or whatever). During the day, I mostly want to sleep. During that time just before waking when I have "deep" thoughts, it's occurred to me that I'd quit my job if I could afford to because I feel like shyt. More realistic, I'd take a week off if I wasn't supposed to go to GA this week. It'd look bad for me to take today and tomorrow off because I'm sick, then go to GA for 3 days. I'm thinking of asking my doctor to put me on short term medical leave if I don't feel better soon but there are several important things going on at work that I can't walk away from. This is one reason I want a simpler job. I'm treating myself like crap to get the work done but in the end, there's only me. This is the kind of shyt that got me sick in the first place. I wish I could do it all over. I wish I could have this job but not put it first so maybe then I wouldn't be so sick.

off to get dressed now....

Look at my basil.



I had basically given up on my garden. Nothing was growing, though nothing was dying. Today, I went out and a leaf on the cucumber plant had totally withered up, like overnight. wtf? And, it rained yesterday morning. I'm not a good gardner. It could be because my soil says not for container gardens but I didn't see that until long after my garden was underway. I went with what the professional gardner I was with thought was important; I didn't read the back of the bag while I was with her. * sigh * There could be so many causes as to why I do not have food, only seasonings that came to me ready to eat. But alas! There is new life on this one new basil plant. I didn't know basil grew flowers.

Item 2- I bought a frame to display "Memphis Music" in the art show. Below are some bad photos of it.





Namaste.

whining

Why are the fibro monsters attacking me? I don't understand. I was being good and following the anti-pain webmd diet when suddenly, my calf muscle went mad during my morning stretch and I spent the next 4 hours unable to stand on my right leg. For weeks now, I've been sleeping like 15 hours at a time 'cause my body thinks it's about time for it to pass out. Surely I am doing too much now but I have so many things to do; what else am I to do? SO MUCH to do at work, things piling up and adding themselves to my to do list including the pending audit. A leisurely 7 hour drive to GA on Wednesday to see my old college mates. Getting things together for next month's art show, applying for the same job at 3 different locations, and why not add being social to the top of this mountain? My fingers, wrists, thighs, back, feet, elbows, and calf muscles hurt and I'm SLEEPY. I'm not used to being here anymore. I don't have time for this ish. I feel close to incompetent and like the mean mama to myself. Let this all pass soon.I hate fibro most for the things it takes from me. You evil bitch, fibromyalgia.

fibro monster

I feel a little guilty. I didn't go to work this morning. My muscle did something wicked during my morning stretch today, causing one of those blinding pains where I literally don't know what to do because it hurts so bad. From there, I couldn't walk. Not much of an issue initially. I hopped from my bed to my computer chair, somehow took a muscle relaxer, and sat with my heating pad for a hour. It didn't solve the issue. I called in and did about 2 hours of work by phone. Then I preceded to sleep the day away.

I just don't know how it sounds when I call in for fibro stuff. I don't think it makes sense to people. My boss strongly encouraged me to go the doctor if it hurt so bad I couldn't walk. My sentiment is why; doctors can't do much for fibromyalgia patients anyway. I just need to wait it out. Do my fibro sisters feel the same way-- why bother going to the doctor when they don't really know how to make you better?

I'm better now though not great. I'm sensitive all over. I soaked in epson salt but wasn't sure I would be able to deal with the sensations the water caused. I did. I'm not sure it helped. I had pain all over when I got out but took Trammadol and a muscle relaxer to make me feel better. It worked. I'm sleepy again. I plan to go in tomorrow limping or not, assuming I can stand. I can currently stand but feel increased pain within 5 minutes of standing so prefer to stay off of my legs as much as possible. The worse thing about today is I missed a really important meeting. If I hadn't slept though my lunch time alarm, I could have gotten ready in time to be at that 30 minute meeting. I guess I just worry about my image at work in general. I think my House Manager might understand a little more because her son has sickle cell but still fibromyalgia makes sense to so few.

Good night.

more options

One of my ideas for the art show is to display 3 pictures of local musicians and call it memphis music. A variation of that same idea is just to frame a photo or 3 of sj tucker and let her represent my performance work. Below are potential shots of valerie june that I can use:


valerie june 1



valerie june 2


memphis music, valerie june option 3

olga 1



olga 2


olga 3



here's one of my beloved SJ Tucker. It's the only one I can find electronically and I actually swiped this one from facebook.




below is one I took many years ago that was well-liked at that time. I honestly don't know that it'd be the best choice for a lgbt & ally art show though.



uncle

uh, since i don't know how to fix this crazy alignment whatnot, here's my uncle and sj tucker again:






and last, my scream, my handsome chris



I'm gonna post a poll so you can tell me which 3 YOU think I should for the show. Thanks in advance. And still feel free to leave comments elaborating on your thoughts or whatnot.

I'm an artist now!

Holy shit! Look at the e-mail I just got!

Great news - we will have room in the art show! I'm pleased that we will be able to show your work. If you could send me the dimensions and pictures of 2 - 3 pieces (depending on the size) that you would like to show that would be great. Try to get back to me by the end of the week as I hope to have all artists finalized by then and send out more info regarding the opening.


Ummm, some more options to show:





above: option 5. title undecided.

perspective

option 6 (above)- blurred vision




option 7 (above)- stairs I

Location: An overgrown baseball field in Nashville