relief is coming!

So many things to write, so little time. Given the time restraint, let me jot down thoughts on what I want to eat before allergy elimination diet 2013.

1. Ice Cream!
2. Steak=n-Shake milkshake (Can you tell I'm having a dairy craving these days?)
3. Zaxby's
4. KFC
5. Bread. anything. Bread. (But I met a lady that makes yeast free, gluten free biscuits. yea!)
6. Tulum fresh Mexican
7. BBQ
8. Chicken ramen noodles
9. Popcorn
10. Pizza
11. Circle B Smoke Sausage
12. Nachos
13. Hot Wings
14. Chicken Fingers

almost a mat

Tonight, my intention became to exercise for 15 minutes, just a little something to get me back? into the practice of something. I haven't been inactive lately. Tae kwon do, some supportive yoga, 2 nights per week or so at the gym. But I ache, I"m tired, and I'm just not well. Also, I'm in limbo on rather or not I am going to keep my gym membership. I'm waiting to hear back from my doctor on rather or not she is going to grant me a handicap tag for my car. I'm not going to walk 25 stairs per night to exercise. Anyhow, my 15 minutes became 30 minutes, my 5 minute stint on the treadmill did not occur. Gentle stretch, gentle stretch, gentle stretch. A little yoga, a few sit ups, some breathing. It felt good.

Namaste.

Told

Cleaning off my computer. Finding things I forgot about.

Told

I told you I love you

You told me you love me too

I told you I wanted to marry you and sale corn bread sandwiches off the back porch of our beach house

You told me I made you nervous, that commitment was too much

Then you told me you wanted me to move 300 miles from my family to be with you

You sent my head spinning, girl

You and your disbelief

You and your ambivalence

One day you're hot, one day you're cold

Every day I'm in love waiting for you to love me back

I volunteered to live the starving artist lifestyle with you

I volunteered to do all the work

I volunteered to leave my sick father for you

I volunteered to love your cat

I'd give you my everything girl, but you only gave me mixed signals

I gave you options and choices

You told me you need more options and choices

I gave you space and time

You said you needed more space and time

I told you I didn't like all the space

You said they're be less space... again

You said we'd grow closer and in that you'd know if you should stay or leave

You told me, you told me

I told you I love me

I'm cutting you lose girl

Except I can't 'cause you're in my heart

You're in my mind, my intentions, my thoughts, my very breathe

You've left me wrecked girl

I see him but see you too

I told you I'm leaving

You told me you're relieved 'cause you don't have to make a choice

I told you I still love you

You said nothing

I told you I love you, girl

You told me you love me too

I told you I love me, girl

Can you please do that too?

by Amy, 2010

I'm sad

The pain, the health questions

The house, the mess, the disorganization

Hand and wrist used every hour

Pain

Cant use sick leave to rest when you need to go to the doctor, Cant use sick leave and look like a punk

Tired and frustrated

At times, sad

So much, so much

a nation divided

Today, I lost a friend. Really, I've probably been losing him bit by bit during this past election season. I knew early on that he was a Mitt Romney supporter but we're all entitled to make our own bad decisions. On Monday, he posted this image:

with the caption "We're going to rise again".

I tried to not jump to conclusions... maybe this is one of his "confederate flags aren't about hate" and "Rednecks aren't racist" things. No justification from him. He said I can unfriend him if so desired.

Goodbye Chad. You are one of the few friends I made in Jackson. You had no social tact but seemed to be you in innocence. Perhaps out of that ignorant fear that people sometimes operate out of, you have taken the "white people gather together because this black person (black people/group of others) are trying to take over. We MUST unite and fight". It's a lie and I hope you one day see that clearly.

Funny thing is, I almost asked him to co-lead the Small Town Progressives group I created. I guess the Universe had me hold off a bit for a reason; perhaps this?

1 week moving

Day 1: Friday, October 26th. Tomika and I moved. My nephew, cousin, and two of my cousin's co-workers came up to be our muscle. Something like 5 hours to load a truck, go to storage and unload some things and load others, and then to arrive to the new house and unload. Fatigue was seen, things were stacked wherever instead of the most appropriate room for their content. Part of the issue with the move that wasn't fully anticipated is that new house is like 30-40% smaller than old house. Boxes sat places comfortably at old house. Boxes made it difficult to walk in new house.

Day 2: Saturday, October 27th: We unpacked for about 4 hours that morning then drove to old house to shower and get ready for my aunt's suprise birthday party. I should have went with my first mind and left the liquor and mixers at old house for easy access. I went with second mind and traveled to Memphis with self and girlfriend. Bev's party was AWESOME. It was Tomika's first time seeing my family in their element. It was good. Bev was so surprised; she cried. I'm glad I went down instead of listening people that told me to stay in Jackson and unpack.

Day 3, Sunday, October 28th: Our big cleaning day for old house. 5 hours but didn't finish. Seems crazy that it took that long. Tomika spend that entire time in the kitchen. I knocked out 3 bedrooms and a bathroom.

Day 4, Monday, October 29th: Relief. Our hope was to get a massage after we were done with moving our items into the new house and cleaning the old house. We wanted Halloween; we knew we would be done by then. Monday was the only option for the massage therapist we wanted. Relief. Somehow, my 5-6pm massage ended at 7pm. I can't really complain about that :). Good company. Tomika and I followed that by shopping for a microwave stand and learning that stores don't really keep them in stock.

Day 5, Tuesday, October 30th: Finished cleaning old house. Thank God. New house looks:

We have a love seat to sit on at least. Wasn't so on day 1. Also, the steps got better; we can go up them.

Day 6, Wednesday, October 31st: Finally done with old house. Went over to pull out a dresser I wasn't going to keep. We left the keys and garage openers. Last look around. Goodbye, my love.

Day 7, Today: Now we can focus on unpacking new house. We can find a home for our many, useful items. Organization can begin.

  The shape of the living room has shifted many times. Things are unpacked and stored. New things are brought in. Things are unpacked and spaces begin to form. Things are pushed together to allow a passage way for something else... like a microwave.

I was able to get upstairs to clean out that space. 

Mostly, it needed to be swept and mopped. Not

too bad, unless you count the dirty, dirty water.

 

Our bedroom windows suck. Window sealant, garbage bag, and a blanket to help us stay warm.

Namaste.

5 days left

Friday, I relocate. To a smaller house 2 blocks away from a repeat rapist according to the sex offenders website. 1 mile from a university. 1/2 mile from a hospital. next door to an elementary school. Right next to a field of kudzu. I hope this move is a good one. It's definitely $300 less per month compared to where I am now. As long as Tomika is there, another $300 cheaper still. I know why I'm moving; I hope it goes well.

Today is Sunday. Here's the current state of my house:

Some food is packed; much of it is not. 

 I've been eating to thin out the cupboards :). 

I've gone through piles and piles of paper to avoid going through crap on the other side of the move. Here are the piles untouched remaining:

 My living room. Bookshelves (2) mostly bear.

 Both bathrooms look something like this:

 My closet. 

Not many options remain for what I will wear this week.

And most rooms have stacks like this. Boxes for days. 

Packing has refocused my attention on a goal I made at the beginning of the year to get rid of 150 things. I'm over 75% there and mostly from the packing. As much as I dislike packing, I do appreciate how it helps to focus on what I need, want, and ignore. It always inspires me to do something in the coming season to have less and perhaps avoid such an arduous journey next time. For 2013, I will give away, throw away, or recycle at least 60 items. I hope to make that an annual focus.

Thanks so much to the "Packing genie" that has helped me get so much of this done. We worked for over 5 hours yesterday. Now all rooms have bout everything I can pack before "the last minute" packed. And I have an aching back. The cost of lowering costs.

Seize the day!